You tell yourself you are fine. You show up for work. You answer texts. You scroll, you laugh, you post.
Then something small hits you. A song in the car. A photo that appears in your memories. A mutual friend who says their name casually.
Suddenly, the ache returns.
For many people, the hardest part of a breakup is not the ending itself, but the feeling of being left behind while the other person seems to move on with ease.
This experience is more common than we can admit. We have seen it play out not only in everyday lives but also in the public eye. Celebrities have spoken openly about the difficulty of moving on after breakups, from musicians who turn heartbreak into albums to actors who admit that fame does not protect them from loss.
Their honesty reminds us that pain after love is not weakness. It is human.
Couples counsellor and relationship therapist Michael Kallenbach, who spoke to “Independent Media Lifestyle”, said that struggling after a breakup is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It often reflects the depth of the bond and the way the relationship ended.
Kallenbach works with a psychoanalytic approach and focuses on helping people find meaning in their experiences so they can move toward healthier ways of being.
“It is very difficult to move on from any relationship, even a friendship,” he explained.
“It also depends on how much hurt and anger are involved. If there was an affair, the other person may feel humiliated. There are many angles to the pain, including anger and shame, and each of those emotions needs space to be understood.”
When a relationship ends without closure, the emotional impact can linger. People may begin to question their worth, replay conversations in their minds or feel stuck while everyone else appears to be progressing.
Kallenbach believes this is where honest self-reflection and support become essential.
“As a therapist, I often say that if everyone could afford it and had the time, everyone should go to therapy at some point in their life,” he said.
“Therapy gives you a space to speak openly about everything. The reality in our society is that we often stay silent about what truly troubles us until it builds up inside.”
“Therapy gives us a voice. It allows us to say, ‘I was upset about this, I am bothered by that,’ and begin the process of working through those feelings.”
According to him, many people try to rush the healing process because they feel pressure to appear strong or unaffected.
Social media adds to this pressure, especially when an ex-partner posts pictures that suggest they are thriving.
The reality is that healing does not follow a fixed timeline.
“There is no real time frame to get over emotion,” Kallenbach said.
“We are all individuals, and we heal in our own time. It is a process. It also depends on the support you have from family and friends. But loved ones are not therapists.”
“They are not trained to deal with the complexity of breakups, which is why professional support can be so important.”
Healthy coping does not mean forcing yourself to be positive or pretending that the pain does not exist. It means allowing yourself to feel what you feel, setting boundaries where needed and seeking spaces where your emotions can be explored without judgement.
For some, that may include journaling, talking openly with trusted people or stepping back from constant reminders of the past. For many, it includes therapy.
Kallenbach encouraged people not to wait until they feel completely overwhelmed before asking for help.
“We should all try to seek professional support before it is too late,” he said. “It is a privilege to be able to access therapy, but if you can, it can make a meaningful difference.”
