Going back to school doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some kids are lucky, they walk into the same school they’ve known forever, waving to familiar faces and slipping back into old routines. Others are starting fresh at a new school, joining a new class, trying to find their footing.
And then there are the ones stepping into high school for the very first time, the big leagues, where education suddenly feels more serious and friendship politics feel way more complicated.
For me, which was over 10 years ago (millennials, please stand up), it wasn’t too difficult. My primary school crew all went to the same high school with me, so that first day felt like a continuation of the same story.
Until suddenly, it wasn’t. By the end of the first term, we were in different circles, discovering new sides of ourselves and gravitating toward different people. Friendships change. It’s normal. But it still stung.
Making friends has always been tricky, but modern times have made it even more complicated. It’s not enough to be funny, kind or smart. Today, teens are constantly judged by their online presence, follower counts, likes and who tags who, where.
Social media can make it feel like you need 10k likes on a selfie or thousands of followers just to be “friend-worthy” or considered for a clique, and if your posts don’t measure up? Suddenly, forming new connections feels impossible.
It’s not just a minor stress. There’s real pressure around making new friends, finding where you fit in, and worrying about being accepted – offline and online.
That’s where research comes in. South African education scholars like Irma Eloff, Elaney Nieuwenhuys and Melanie Moen have studied school transitions, finding that children don’t just change classrooms, they change social roles, emotions and expectations as they grow.
Their work makes it clear that friendships are central to how learners navigate school transitions. “Eloff, Nieuwenhuys and Moen” (2014) found that students moving through grades needed more than academic skills: they needed social and emotional tools to “maintain satisfying friendships” and manage bullying, stress, and their emotions. Basically, navigating friendships isn’t optional – it’s part of surviving school life.
In high school, it gets a little messier. Cliques form, social hierarchies appear, and suddenly your old friends might drift off into different groups.
“Junita Henry et al.” (2024) reported that South African teens rely heavily on peer support to manage stress, anxiety and self-esteem, making it emotional lifelines.
When classes are shuffled or schools change, friendships often shift too. It’s not usually dramatic, no big shouting matches or obvious breakups but friendships fade.
Suddenly you’re not in Math with your bestie anymore, or someone’s new friend group pulls them in a different direction.
Research notes that these subtle shifts can feel like rejection to kids because it’s “uncharted territory” socially.
This is why fitting in can be stressful. You want to be liked, but you also want to stay true to yourself.
Maybe someone laughs at a joke you didn’t think was funny, or there’s that kid who suddenly decides you’re not cool enough to hang with their group.
Small things like this can spiral into anxiety, affect how kids perform in class, and when combined with social media pressures, comparisons and online cliques, make the first weeks of school feel like a minefield rather than a playground.
How to make new friends this school year:
Making friends doesn’t require reinventing yourself. Small, intentional steps can go a long way.
1. Start with shared spaces: Friendships often grow naturally in places you already spend time, classrooms, sports fields, libraries and break areas. Sitting next to someone new, joining a group during break or partnering up for classwork can spark easy conversation.
2. Join clubs, teams or societies: From netball and soccer to debating, drama or choir, extracurriculars are one of the easiest ways to meet like-minded people. Shared interests make it easier to connect, and regular practices or meetings help friendships deepen over time.
3. Be curious: You don’t have to impress anyone. Asking genuine questions about music, favourite subjects or weekend plans shows interest and openness. Listening well is often more memorable than saying the “right” thing.
4. Be kind: A smile, a compliment or offering help with notes can make a big difference. Being kind and approachable signals that you’re someone others feel safe and comfortable around.
5. Embrace diversity: South African schools are wonderfully diverse. Being open to different cultures, languages and backgrounds can lead to richer friendships and help you grow beyond your usual circle.
6. Don’t rush the process: Not every interaction will turn into a lifelong friendship, and that’s okay. Real connections take time. Focus on consistency rather than instant closeness.
7. Put the phone down (sometimes): While WhatsApp groups and social media help you stay connected, face-to-face interaction still matters. Being present during breaks or after school can open the door to more meaningful connections.
8. Be yourself: Trying to fit in by pretending rarely works in the long run. The right friends will appreciate you for who you are, not who you think you should be.
9. Remember, everyone feels nervous: Even the most confident-looking learner is probably feeling unsure too. Taking the first step, saying hello, joining a conversation or inviting someone to sit with you can be just as reassuring for them as it is for you.
10. Encourage kids to talk: Parents or guardians should encourage kids to talk about social struggles without judgement. Sometimes just being asked, “How was lunch today?” or “Did you meet anyone new?” can make students feel seen and supported.
