There’s a particular kind of silence that settles over South African homes in the days leading up to matric results. It’s not a loud panic. It’s quieter than that. A pause before impact. Parents speak in half-sentences.
Teenagers scroll endlessly, pretending not to care, while caring far too much. Matric results week has never just been about marks. It’s about identity, expectation, and the frightening belief that one moment could define an entire life.
As someone who has lived long enough to know that life rarely follows a straight line but is young enough to remember how final everything felt at 18, I keep coming back to this question: How do we help our children sit with disappointment without letting it swallow them whole?
This year, the urgency feels heavier. Mental health practitioners across South Africa have repeatedly warned that results season can trigger emotional distress, especially among adolescents who are still learning how to hold failure without turning it inward.
Research published by the American Psychological Association shows that adolescents are particularly vulnerable to shame-based thinking during academic setbacks, while the World Health Organization continues to emphasise the role of early emotional support in suicide prevention.
To uncover the hidden emotional weight of results day, “Independent Media Lifestyle” sat down with Dr. Nombuso Gama.
As an educational psychologist and resilience specialist, Dr. Gama, known to many for her vital mental health insights on TikTok, specialises in the intersection of adolescent well-being and academic pressure.
What she revealed about the “Class of 2025” is as sobering as it is essential for every parent to hear.
“The journey to receiving results comes with hope and anticipation,” Dr Gama explains.
“Learners often don’t imagine any outcome other than passing, just like their peers. The sudden shift from these expectations to the reality of not passing can be psychologically difficult.”
That sudden, public, and deeply personal often brings shame. Not just disappointment, but the fear of being seen as “less than”.
Of being talked about. Of letting parents down. And shame, Dr Gama warns, is dangerous.
“Many struggle with feelings of inadequacy, fear of negative treatment, and possible backlash from family. This shame can then spark mental health struggles, including suicidal thoughts or attempts.
Why one result feels like a life sentence?
Adolescence is a stage of identity formation. According to developmental psychology, teenagers are constantly asking the question, “Who am I?”
Dr Gama puts it simply: “Anything that follows the words ‘I am…’ is very powerful at this stage.”
When a learner fails, that sentence often becomes I am a failure. And that’s where catastrophising creeps in. Catastrophising is the mind’s habit of leaping to the worst possible conclusion.
“One failed subject means my life is over. One setback turns into I have no future. Matriculants can jump from hope to ‘my life is not worth living anymore’,” Dr Gama says.
“They don’t yet have enough evidence of bouncing back from hardship. They haven’t lived long enough to know that recovery is possible.”
The power of a growth mindset explained
The term growth mindset is often used, rarely understood. Dr Gama strips it down to its essence: “A growth mindset is understanding that you have the capacity to improve your life through effort, learning, and practice.”
Failure, she explains, is not a stop sign; it’s feedback.
“You learn more from failure because you learn what not to do again. Failure doesn’t mean you’re incapable. It means try again with fresh insight.”
This echoes the work of psychologist Dr Carol Dweck, whose research on growth mindset shows that students who view intelligence as flexible, not fixed, are more resilient in the face of setbacks.
What parents should do – and what to avoid
The instinct to fix things immediately is understandable. But timing matters. Dr Gama urges parents to pause before problem-solving.
First:
- Validate the pain.
- Acknowledge the shame.
- Reassure your child that they are accepted despite the result.
Only then, gently widen the picture.
“They have tunnel vision at this point. Help them see options, upgrading results, rewriting, and alternative pathways. Tell stories of people who failed and still built good lives.
What not to do? Avoid lectures. Avoid comparisons. Avoid phrases like “you didn’t try hard enough” in the immediate aftermath.
“Those conversations have a place, but not when the wound is still open,” Dr Gama explains.
When to worry
Disappointment is normal. Prolonged despair is not. Red flags include persistent isolation, emotional numbness, loss of interest in once-loved activities, appetite changes and repeated statements like “Life is pointless” or “I don’t see why I’m still here.”
“A few days of sadness are expected.“The concern is when these feelings linger,” says Dr Gama.
Above all, adolescents need safety. “They won’t open up if adults take an authoritative stance. They need validation first, then guidance.”
Dr Gama offers words every learner deserves to hear: “Failure is not the end of life. It is the comma, not the full stop. What matters is what you do next.”
And to parents: “Your child needs your belief now more than ever. Be their support structure. Children perform better when someone still believes in them.”
