Posted: Sunday 5th June 2011 at 15:02 pm

Soft porn

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Mobile porn


Mobile porn

Girlfriend, the moral code states: “Dress the way you want to be addressed.” If we were to make a quick summary of what you are wearing, we would describe this as beyond sexy, because this is an outrageous sex appeal and we think you have pushed it too far. If we need to watch a porn movie, we would be discreet enough to watch it in our bedrooms and not in public. You are to pay N5 million fine.

Lacy affair

Girlfriend, you shouldn’t have bothered wearing anything at all. We were told you did this because you were following the lace trend and in the process violated the extant dressing code. Section 278(21) states: “You don’t do all the trend on the runway”. There are other ways you could have worn this and still look decent and trendy. For flagrantly flouting the fashion law, you have been fined N1.5 million.

Open booth

We were so livid when we saw this outfit, because the fashion scene is already bidding farewell to the low-rise trend. We actually heaved a sigh of relief when a new bill was signed in the National Assembly recently on low rise jeans. But what we don’t understand is the motive behind this style. Are there no belts in the country? Why would you deliberately open your booth for every Tom, Dick and Harry to peek through? You have been fined the sum of N2 million, which must be paid before sunrise tomorrow, or….

Flimsy

We don’t understand why a full grown adult would go to the market and pick what is meant for a 12-year-old. Aunty, with those unevenly toned laps and dark patches, this is just too flimsy and cheap. With all the authority bestowed on this court, this dress will remain in our custody until we figure out what to do with it. You will be granted bail on the following conditions: Produce two sureties that are renowned missionaries and two Islamic clerics with property on Victoria Island and in Ikoyi.

‘Press’ release

Honestly, you don’t need this press release to make a fashion statement. With your style of hair and make-up, you need not try too hard to make an impression. Your boobs release is contempt of style proceedings and you have been fined N3 million.

Sexy mama

With all due respect, you have been charged with style assault and make-up crime. When age is catching up on you, you should beware of the kind of clothes you wear. Grandma, we think you should just retire and let your teenage daughters continue from where you stopped.
This court hereby confiscates the LBD and your make-up kit. Henceforth, you are mandated to wear strictly iro and buba and no make-up, please
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Lacy affair

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Open booth

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Flimsy

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‘Press’ release

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Sexy mama

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Soft porn

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